Posted by: Aaron Shaver | September 29, 2011

Putting Parents Back in the Driver’s Seat

Over the past several months, I’ve found myself in conversations with concerned parents regarding the state of youth ministries and youth culture. The conversation often starts something like, “Aaron, my kids are getting ready to go into our church’s youth group for the first time…I don’t know who these people are and I’m not ready to just drop my kids off with them.”

The underlying problem these parents are trying to grapple with is this: they have raised their kids for years and, now, as they begin to enter the youth group and youth culture, the parents are feeling an unspoken pressure to hand their kids over to youth pastors and a pervasive youth culture that they don’t really trust. I admit that during my years as a youth pastor, I’ve perpetuated this problem for parents. Sadly, most youth pastors are totally unaware of how they are perceived by parents in their youth ministry. And, even worse, most youth pastors believe it is their job to spiritually and emotionally raise these teenagers under their ministry. Worst of all, most youth pastors believe they are fully capable of actually doing it!

Let me propose a mutual challenge to youth pastors and parents of teenagers: When it comes to raising teens, let’s put parents back in the driver’s seat. As a youth pastor, I understand that it’s not my job to win the hearts of adoring teens and be their sole educator, mentor, and disciplinarian when it comes to all things spiritual. My role as a youth pastor is better suited to empowering parents and working beside them to provide an environment where they can confidently educate, mentor, and disciple their children. Parents, let me challenge you to reach out to your youth pastor. Let them know you want to not only volunteer for events but to actively take the lead in your child’s spiritual upbringing. Support your youth pastors. Let them know you care.

How do you think our youth pastors can “put parents back in the driver’s seat”?

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | August 18, 2011

Who’s Investing in Your Teens?

 

If you haven’t seen this, I posted a 5 minute video highlighting me speaking to teens. If you want to know exactly why I do what I do with youth ministry, just listen to the first minute.

After listening, feel free to send any comments my way.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | April 22, 2011

In Search of an Easter Bonnet

Today’s post is a special guest post from my wife, Elaina Shaver. Just in time for Easter! We hope today’s blog post helps you find an appreciation for all the things that make your parents just who they are.

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Ever since I was a little girl, my mom has carried out the grand southern tradition of wearing a hat on Easter.  This is a tradition that has fallen somewhat out of practice for whatever reason…fashion trends of the day or churches with casual dress codes or just disinterest, but not with my mom.  There have only been a very few Easters in my memory that she has ever gone without her Easter hat.  And don’t forget there is also the very enjoyable and grand tradition of shopping for the perfect Easter dress, shoes, purse and matching jewelry that goes along with the hat tradition. 

When I was little I wore actual Easter bonnets and I don’t mind telling you, I was adorable!  But as I got older and became more and more self-conscience of what others might or might not be thinking about me, I stopped wearing hats.  I was also utterly mortified that my mom continued to wear a hat when no one else would. 

Why on Earth would she want to do something that no one else was doing? Why would she want to have everyone looking at her and seeing how different she was?  Why was she doing this to me???

 

I was the girl with the mom who wore hats on Easter! 

Oh, the embarrassment I felt as a teenager!!!

You see in those days, I didn’t connect with my mom.  I loved her very much, but we had different ideas about what clothes were cute (or appropriate) and we fought a lot about stuff.  Even as I write this it’s hard to remember what we fought about…

But all in all we didn’t talk much, we didn’t connect much and we didn’t really get along well so the Easter hat debacle was generally just icing on the embarrassing cake.

I’m not sure when it happened, but I started opening up to my mom in college.  We stopped fighting.  I started to understand her more. Moving away from home and having to do things on your own have a way of making you appreciate the times when you had help…especially from your mom. 

And then it happened.  When I went home for Easter my freshman year of college I proudly wore an Easter hat with my mom.  Then the next year I brought my best friend home with me and we all wore hats.  The year after that I brought my best friend AND my roommate. And since then there hasn’t been a year that we haven’t carried on this grand tradition.

You see my search for an Easter Bonnet had very little to do with a hat.  My search was for my mom, for a deeper relationship with her: to understand her more and therefore understand myself more.

Where is my Mom?  She’s the one wearing the fantastic Easter hat.  Where am I?  Well I’m the one wearing a fantastic hat right next to her.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | February 17, 2011

The Sin of Institutionalism

You may have heard about the Pennsylvania high school teacher’s blog that is catching a lot of attention. Evidently, she has the need to let off some serious steam about her “rude, disengaged, and lazy” students. If you want to catch up on the story you can find it on Yahoo! here:

teacher’s blog

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/08/30/Stressed-teacher-460x276.jpg

Most people react to this teacher’s comments with a conflicted sense that she spoke the truth about these teens but, because of her position, she shouldn’t have been so blunt. She’s a hero to some and a villan to others. Whatever your opinion of her blog may be, I believe the sensation behind this blog brings to light a certain reality I’ve been discussing with fellow youth pastors: The Sin of Institutionalism.

The Sin of Institutionalism

This is the name I’ve given a certain attitude I’ve observed from so many parents and adults in general. The Sin of Institutionalism looks for some faceless institution to hold accountable for things for which only an individual should be held responsible. Take for instance, the spiritual upbringing of children. The Sin of Institutionalism says, “that’s a job for the Church”. I say, “what about parents?” The Sin of Institutionalism asks, “aren’t the public schools supposed to teach things like good behavior and manners?” The Sin of Institutionalism says, “the job of government/church/charity is to provide for me.”

I believe this sin permeates many realms of American society well beyond the public education system. You better believe the Church is a victim of this too.  I can say from experience, Institutionalism can cause youth pastors to feel the pressure to take responsibility for elements of their teens’ behavior they have no ability to control.

Where are the families? Where are the parents?

Interestingly, the sensation caused by this high school teachers blog also draws attention to the blessing/curse of internet technology.  Social media like Facebook and blogs only blurs the lines between personal and professional when it comes to student/teacher interaction. I’m intrigued by the blurring of the lines as it forces a shift in regard to the …the things we don’t talk about. As in, why are teachers expected to be responsible for supplying to students the motivation to learn? And, why are youth ministers responsible for how a girl or boy dresses in your youth group? This Pennsylvania teacher’s blog said what she was really thinking. The question is not “did the behavior of her students warrant her comments?”

The question is, “are you depending on some institution to raise your children?”

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | January 18, 2011

What’s going on?

I never like sitting down to watch a movie when I’ve missed the beginning. The start of a movie is where you get the sense of who are we following in the story and why. And it’s essential that a good movie has a beginning that persuades you to stick around and watch the rest of it. I can’t stand to miss the start of a movie. I need to know I got the whole set-up before I get myself invested in a story.

Maybe you can understand the need to start from the beginning.

Many of you are following along with what is happening with Shaver’s Razor Ministries.  But some of you feel like you walked into a movie that started playing before you got in the room. Maybe you’ve discovered this blog because a friend told you to check it out. Or, maybe a fellow parent recommended you check this blog out for tips on how to understand teens. Or you might be a youth minister with a brand new position at a church and you’re looking for all the on-line help you can get.  Allow me to back up and give you the set-up for what Shaver’s Razor has been doing so far.

SHAVER’S RAZOR MINISTRIES …so far

Shaver’s Razor began simply as a blog …this blog. Over a year ago I began blogging about my ministry experiences and the lessons learned from them.

Since May of 2010 I began Shaver’s Razor Ministries as a motivational speaking and consulting resource for youth ministries. I started using the Shaver’s Razor website to promote my speaking ministry as well as promote several online youth ministry resources I believe in and use.

In the Fall, I met the guys at Youth Ministry 360 and was asked to become a regular contributor to the YM360 blog. YM360 is all about youth ministry. They combine Bible study resources, youth worker training, and a online network to serve the youth worker community in the Church. I’m excited to be part of the YM360 network!

In December, Mike Parker at WordCrafts finally convinced me to write a book since I was already blogging so much. I began writing at the start of the new year and I anticipate completing the book in June of this year. I’ve tentatively titled it Youth Ministry is Easy…and 10 Other Lies that will Ruin Your Ministry.

In the near future, a promotional video for Shaver’s Razor Ministries is in the works! You can learn more about the video and everything that’s now going on at Shaver’s Razor by checking out the video at this link http://www.ShaversRazor.com

I hope that gives you plenty of “set-up” for the story behind Shaver’s Razor Ministries so far. Though a lot of projects are being juggled at Shaver’s Razor, I’m always looking for speaking opportunities. So, check your church calendar and contact me!

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | December 6, 2010

You Never Really Grow Up

You Never Really Grow Up

I’ve taken this philosophy in regard to people in general. It’s an overall observation I’ve made regarding …well, everybody at every age and from every walk of life.


We don’t really change over the years. From childhood to adolescence to adult years, at our very core, we don’t change. I’ve learned this mostly from observing my son. He’s 6 months old. When he wants something he cries. Sometimes he whines and sometimes he shouts but he always gets your attention. What does he want? Anything really. Sometimes he shouts just to make you look at him. Sometimes he whines because he wants you to pick him up or give him his pacifier. He cries when he’s hungry.

Here’s the thing: a little baby, like my son, is only aware of his immediate needs and wants. And, at his age he makes no distinction between a need and a want. He will cry, shout or whine to get anything he wants. Babies are selfish. Babies are generally unaware of others. Babies do not see the “big picture”.

As we grow older, I don’t believe we really change. We simply become more civilized. We learn manners. We learn not to shout or cry or stomp our feet when we get hungry. But on the inside we still demand others to meet our immediate wants and needs and we rarely make a distinction between those two.

On the inside, we are still the center of our world. We do not see the “big picture”.

My son doesn’t know that mom is trying to do laundry and I’m about to burn dinner and we can’t pick him up right now. So he cries louder. I feel like God hears our cries and thinks “don’t you see what I’m preparing for you? Don’t you see how I’ve already provided?”

Now imagine where teenagers are in this spectrum of behavior. Teens are still very deep in the childlike world-revolves-around-me mentality. But, their needs, wants, concerns, and sorrows have matured. In their teen years, they’ve become more angsty and have begun to move away from their parents emotionally -maybe even physically.

For teens, the wants and needs are still there and still just as immediate but altered. And, they haven’t fully developed the filters adults possess for navigating social scenes. Also, teenagers tend to withdraw from the very people who can understand and supply their needs and wants, their own parents.

The teen years -you’re not a child and you’re not an adult. So where do you fit? What behavior is expected?

We never really change over the years. We are all children. We simply learn different ways to not show it.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | November 5, 2010

4 Quick Christmas Lessons

It’s already November! Where has the year gone?

And, if you’re still wracking your brain over how to communicate the Truth of the Christmas season (once again) this year, you’re not totally at a loss.

The weeks leading up to Christmas will all to soon fly by and between the holiday parties, special church services, year-end staff meetings, teen’s Christmas plays, volunteering at the local shelter, egg-nog, mall shopping, online shopping, hosting the church food drive…etc…WHEW…

…you may be in a panic for solid lessons/messages to communicate the power and wonder of the birth of our Lord.

If you’re still worrying over how to make your Christmas lessons drive home the meaning of the season, consider these quick options:

1. Video/Documentary Story

This option requires the most prep of all the options. But, it can be a powerful visual and experiential tool for your ministry. You’ll need a few video savvy teens,  a camera, and a few hours on location. Give your teens the assignment to take a Saturday (or any free day) and create a video portraying some aspect of the first Christmas story if it happened today!

Just imagine if Christ were born today! To whom would the angels bring the good news? –the homeless, city sanitation workers…?

Instruct your teens to act out the story (or recruit their friends and family to get involved). Let your teens be creative with this and maybe even make a contest for best video!


2. Host a Birthday Party for Jesus

Everyone loves a party and Christmas seems to be the best excuse to have one! But, design a Christmas party that is obviously a birthday party…for Jesus. As cheesy and/or obvious as that sounds there is plenty of room for sharp lessons about the meaning of Christmas in the midst of all the fun. Christmas is all about presents under the tree, right? Well, what if the presents were for Jesus? What does a teenager give to Jesus for his birthday? Let your teens be creative and find out! And, maybe we all could take this opportunity to learn the phrase, “Christmas is not MY birthday.”

3. Teach Christmas Carols for Worship

Most of us know at least a few Christmas carols…but do we know what they mean or where they came from. I used this lesson last year and it really opened up the teens appreciation for the “same old Christmas carols” they’d heard for years. You can teach theology through them. I think of lyrics like, “Behold Him arise/King and God and Sacrifice/Hallelujah, hallelujah peel through the earth and skies.”

Also, consider changing your usual youth service schedule to present your message on carols at the beginning followed by worship using the very Christmas carols you talked about.

4. Bring Christmas to Someone

Plan to caravan your teens to a nursing home/shelter/halfway house and bring Christmas to them. Be sure to notify, discuss, and plan ahead with a contact or agent of whatever organization you think your youth ministry should visit. Coordinate snacks and Christmas-y food to bring if you like. Have your teens be prepared to “bring” Christmas to someone else rather than have another party given to the teens.

Let the love and attitude of Christmas be shown through your youth ministry to someone else in your community.

 

Do you have any suggestions for a quick Christmas lesson?

 

 

 

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | October 6, 2010

It’s Only Teenage Wasteland

Today’s blog post comes to you today due to a good friend.

Just last night he sent me a Facebook message about an idea for my website. In the course of messaging each other back and forth, he laid down some real concerns for the teens he works with on a daily basis…and not just concern for the teens he works with but this whole internet generation. He told me how he’s picked up on a number of disturbing trends that he sees from the kids in his classroom everyday. Trends like ‘sexting‘, or digital piracy, or …worse. Now, my friend is not a prude so let me say that the worry, urgency, and concern he expressed in his messages to me communicated that the behavior and attitudes of these teens genuinely shocked him.

Shocked. Him.

It seems that every generation somehow finds the bar for decency lowered from the previous generation. Consider this: if a boy growing up in my father’s generation wanted to look at pornography, he’d have to go to walk/drive to a store that sold a magazine with that stuff in it. Then he’d have to buy it at the counter and bring it home to his mom and dad’s house. Then he’d have to hide it in his room. Today, if a boy wants to look at pornography he can find it online in about 5 seconds. And, when he’s done looking I bet most preteen and teenage boys know how to erase evidence of websites they’d viewed online.

The world has changed even since I graduated high school. A parent can be diligent in monitoring where their child is going and who they are hanging out with. But in today’s world that is only a fraction of the battle. Now you have to check what websites they’re visiting, what they are talking about across text messages, who’s ‘friending’ them on Facebook, and a myriad of other trends they could be falling into right in the safety of your own home.

Parents, please be aware of what trends and technologies your teen comes in contact with everyday. Know that there are tools available to you to help you know exactly what your teen is saying to their friends through text messages. There is a website that I use and highly recommend called www.CovenantEyes.com that will monitor all internet activity. I recommend this particular tool because it can’t be by-passed since its not a filter…it just records every sited that is visited and sends a report to a monitor/mentor of your choosing.

Realistically, your teen/preteen/child is going to be exposed to things and even take part in behaviors that you can’t control. But, you can develop proper attitudes and, most importantly, trust. Trust is achieved through establishing boundaries and then allowing freedom with in those boundaries. But you can’t establish boundaries or trust if you don’t know world these teens are living in today. Their world is very different then the one I, or even you, grew up in…because so much of their world exists digitally.

Relationships.

Arguments.

Love.

Flirting.

Bullying.

All happening on a digital playing field. And we might be none the wiser.

 

Digital. But just as real.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | September 23, 2010

Message vs Fluff

Message vs Fluff

A few years ago, I ran into an old college friend who’d become a youth minister in the area. After the usual catch-up conversation we started sharing our experiences in youth ministry. We’d traded a few ideas and suggestions for each other to take back to our churches. But, the thing I remember him saying the most and unfortunately, will probably never forget was, “Aaron, when your preaching to the kids, remember — it’s 10% message and 90% fluff.”  According to him the teens couldn’t “hang on to more’n that.”

Shock would be a simple way of describing how I felt. At the time, I didn’t let on more than slight unease with his assessment of “preaching to the kids”.

To put it plainly, the message is what youth ministries need more of and not less. Our youth ministries need more than dodge ball and loud Christian music in the speakers. If teens just wanted another pizza party or a place to just be distracted by the “fluff” they’d get it somewhere/anywhere else.

Your teens need to hear the truth of the Good News and not a watered down mantra of pluralistic humanism. Teens need to hear that the Great Commission was commanded to them too. Teens need to hear the tough sayings of Christ. Teens need to hear that the world is not all about them. Teens need/want to be challenged to better their community…and you, dear Youth Worker, are in the very position to communicate all these things.

So don’t water the message down.

And frankly, by the time most teens have reached high school in this country they are ready for something more than the “milk” we tend to feed them in our youth ministry sermons. If our teens can devote hours to school athletics, humanitarian clubs, and online forums to help-save-the-world-one-cause-at-a-time…why can’t we believe they’ll follow along if our message gets above a 3rd grade level?

Lastly, I ask you to consider the future of our teens when they graduate our youth ministries if we don’t begin to feed them more meat in the message now. You don’t have to hypothesize what society will be like generations from now – just imagine 2 years after graduation: your teens will be entering their 20′s and deep in the working world or the college path. They will have met people who don’t believe in their God and they’ll debate very logical reasons for their doubt. Your teens will meet kind and intelligent people who will see no need for God’s saving grace in their life…what will your teen’s response be? Will their hearts and minds be prepared to claim their faith as “the evidence of things unseen”?

Will you give your teens and your youth ministry a deep foundation to stand on? Message or Fluff? Meat or Milk?

 

Be sure to check out more resources and thoughts on youth ministry at my website www.shaversrazor.com

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | September 15, 2010

The Problem of Ownership

The Problem of Ownership

I remember a veteran youth pastor speaking to me years ago addressing some questions I gave him about my youth group and some of the obstacles with I was facing with a group of teens who were indifferent to their church and their faith. With wisdom, he calculated the problem in the youth group as the  a lack of “ownership” among the teens. They didn’t feel the youth group was their youth group.

Initially, I didn’t like his suggestion that the teens needed to feel a sense of ownership about their church and their youth group. Frankly, I was a little offended.

I guess I just didn’t like the word and what it implied in my mind. Ownership -as if these teens should own/control/claim what God was doing for them. But, I soon realized the true concept of ownership is not so much to be feared. Basically, it’s a sense of investment and responsibility toward whatever you are “owning”.

Little secret: this is where the term “Student  Ministry” began to be used more in place of “youth group” -ministry sounds more purposful than group and it implies that the students are the ministers  to their peers thus, student ministry.

Ownership gives a sense investment and responsibility. But, the flip side of the coin is that it  also gives a sense of entitlement.  Also, ownership is a very inactive word – it’s a state of being not a state of doing.

 

Ownership vs Stewardship

I’d like make the arguement for implementing stewardship rather than ownership as the behavioral model for your youth group student ministry.

Stewardship signifies that what is in your care is not yours but you are just as responsible for it.

Stewardship asks, “what are you doing with the gift given to you?” Take, for instance The Parable of the Talents found in the book of Matthew. The servants in that story were trusted with talents/money/resources that they did not own. But they were give authority and resposibility over how it was to be used.

The master set expectations for how the servants were to steward the talents given them.

The master empowered the servants with his authority to use and multiply his talents.

The master rewarded the faithful servants with more talents, more authority, and more responsibility than they had earned themselves.

 

Our youth ministries need stewards in the leadership and steward-leadership in the teens. Stewardship is Biblical. Stewardship doesn’t allow a sense of entitlement. Stewardship causes us to return to the Master to give an account. Stewardship calls us to cultivate, develop, and multiply the Kingdom rather than build borders around the plot of land that we think we own.

Discover the difference in your youth ministry when your teens are called to stewardship. Discover how their walls of isolation and indifference will fall when they are called to stewardship. And see if they don’t learnto  live their faith actively in their community and in their church.

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