Shaver's Razor

Some things can only be learned from experience. No amount of book work or advice can really teach you how to ride a bike. You just have to do it and do it again and again. And, eventually you learn from your successes but you learn so much more from failures (which aren’t really failures when you can build on them).

Ministry is the same way. I do not mean to deminish educating ministers. And if you know me, you know I highly value education among pastors and lay ministers. But there are somethings you can ONLY learn through experience.

Thus, I submit to you the following:

Three important things that only personal experience could teach me in youth ministry:

1. When a parent approaches you with a problem…it’s usually a good sign!

No, seriously! I realized this only by experience when a mother approached me years ago about the style of music we used during our Wednesday night teen services. We didn’t see eye to eye and I realized pretty quickly that we still were not going to agree even after the conversation was over. But in the middle of that confrontation, when I almost tuned her out, I realized how very valuable her opinion was to me.

We didn’t have to agree, this mother and I. And, I don’t think she entirely expected that. But, I did have to listen…and she certainly expected no less than that. I realized in the middle of that conversation that I did not know what was best for her child –that teen did not live under my roof and I did not carry the responsibility of raising said teen. Mother did. She knew what was best for her child –not me.

Also, the ”problem“ that mother brought to me really was a blessed opportunity for me to receive some very honest feed-back on the ministry program we had in place for the teens.  Think of it this way:  1) this parent cared enough about her child to face me with this issue and 2) this parent cared enough about me and how I lead the teen ministry to face me about this issue. I could have remained blissfully ignorant if either of those had not been the case. And, what a loss that would have been for the teen and for me.

2. You MUST lead by EXAMPLE. 

I can’t stress how absolutely necessary this is. In a ministry aimed at raising up pre-teens and teens to become disciples of Christ the last thing any of them need is another adult saying, “do as I say, not as I do.”

They may expect this kind of compromise from their parents, older siblings, even adult mentors; but not from their Christian pastors, youth pastor, and children’s pastors. They shouldn’t have to.

The truth is that the rule of leading by example is necessary to all aspects of church ministry and the Christian walk. Christ taught the disciples that way. Paul taught his team of fellow ministers that way. In matters of spirituality and Christian discipline: You can never lead anyone to a place you have not already gone yourself.  

3. Youth ministry is not simply a ministry to the youth.

When someone says, “youth ministry” you initially think of youth, lock-ins, pizzas and coke, dating drama, cheesy get-to-know-you-games, YOUTH …right? Well don’t forget the folks who bring those kids to church and, 70% of the time, the very people who introduced them to Christianity in the first place: THE PARENTS. If you plan to minister to children or teens you have to do it in conjunction with the parents.

Listen to them because they know their kids. Include them because they want to feel welcomed and be informed. And minister to them. That’s right; you are responsible to reach out to them with words of guidance & encouragement. When you as a minister reach out to the parents it may, overtime, allow them to support you and get behind you as you move forward. And, I’ve learned you’ll need that. You really will.  

So fellow ministers…what has ministry taught you (so far…)