Over the past several months, I’ve found myself in conversations with concerned parents regarding the state of youth ministries and youth culture. The conversation often starts something like, “Aaron, my kids are getting ready to go into our church’s youth group for the first time…I don’t know who these people are and I’m not ready to just drop my kids off with them.”
The underlying problem these parents are trying to grapple with is this: they have raised their kids for years and, now, as they begin to enter the youth group and youth culture, the parents are feeling an unspoken pressure to hand their kids over to youth pastors and a pervasive youth culture that they don’t really trust. I admit that during my years as a youth pastor, I’ve perpetuated this problem for parents. Sadly, most youth pastors are totally unaware of how they are perceived by parents in their youth ministry. And, even worse, most youth pastors believe it is their job to spiritually and emotionally raise these teenagers under their ministry. Worst of all, most youth pastors believe they are fully capable of actually doing it!
Let me propose a mutual challenge to youth pastors and parents of teenagers: When it comes to raising teens, let’s put parents back in the driver’s seat. As a youth pastor, I understand that it’s not my job to win the hearts of adoring teens and be their sole educator, mentor, and disciplinarian when it comes to all things spiritual. My role as a youth pastor is better suited to empowering parents and working beside them to provide an environment where they can confidently educate, mentor, and disciple their children. Parents, let me challenge you to reach out to your youth pastor. Let them know you want to not only volunteer for events but to actively take the lead in your child’s spiritual upbringing. Support your youth pastors. Let them know you care.
How do you think our youth pastors can “put parents back in the driver’s seat”?
Aaron i think this is a marvelous idea! I hate to say it, but one of the problems in youth ministry is you have young ministers full of excitement yet lack the experience of HAVING a teenager. We can say, well we were once a teenager ourself..but it is not the same. I feel the youth pastors should work with the parents forming a strong team together. Together everyone wins. A house divided cannot stand. Also, there needs to be youth ministers that will be willing to stand for truth and teach truth, not worry about if they are friends or not. That’s what we parents deal with. One day those little darlings will appreciate that they had strong adults that stood for something and didn’t let them get away with things for the sake of friendship
By: brandy Saad on September 30, 2011
at 1:31 PM
I really like your thought about parents and youth pastors forming a strong team together!
By: Aaron Shaver on September 30, 2011
at 2:14 PM
A few ideas:
1. Point children back to their parents for answers
2. Facilitate and attend family events
3. Even as a youth pastor, offer resources to parents
Those are just my ideas, though
BTW – you should connect with my brother @MarkEntzminger on Twitter. He’s had a lot of experience with that kind of thing as a youth pastor and an Assemblies of God district Youth and Christian Education leader. His heart is exactly what you’re talking about.
By: Bryan Entzminger (@bdentzy) on September 30, 2011
at 9:39 AM