The underlying problem these parents are trying to grapple with is this: they have raised their kids for years and, now, as they begin to enter the youth group and youth culture, the parents are feeling an unspoken pressure to hand their kids over to youth pastors and a pervasive youth culture that they don’t really trust. I admit that during my years as a youth pastor, I’ve perpetuated this problem for parents. Sadly, most youth pastors are totally unaware of how they are perceived by parents in their youth ministry. And, even worse, most youth pastors believe it is their job to spiritually and emotionally raise these teenagers under their ministry. Worst of all, most youth pastors believe they are fully capable of actually doing it!

Let me propose a mutual challenge to youth pastors and parents of teenagers: When it comes to raising teens, let’s put parents back in the driver’s seat. As a youth pastor, I understand that it’s not my job to win the hearts of adoring teens and be their sole educator, mentor, and disciplinarian when it comes to all things spiritual. My role as a youth pastor is better suited to empowering parents and working beside them to provide an environment where they can confidently educate, mentor, and disciple their children. Parents, let me challenge you to reach out to your youth pastor. Let them know you want to not only volunteer for events but to actively take the lead in your child’s spiritual upbringing. Support your youth pastors. Let them know you care.

How do you think our youth pastors can “put parents back in the driver’s seat”?

If you haven’t seen this, I posted a 5 minute video highlighting me speaking to teens. If you want to know exactly why I do what I do with youth ministry, just listen to the first minute.

After listening, feel free to send any comments my way.

A few years ago, I ran into an old college friend who’d become a youth minister in the area. After the usual catch-up conversation we started sharing our experiences in youth ministry. We’d traded a few ideas and suggestions for each other to take back to our churches. But, the thing I remember him saying the most and unfortunately, will probably never forget was, “Aaron, when your preaching to the kids, remember — it’s 10% message and 90% fluff.”  According to him the teens couldn’t “hang on to more’n that.”

Shock would be a simple way of describing how I felt. At the time, I didn’t let on more than slight unease with his assessment of “preaching to the kids”.

To put it plainly, the message is what youth ministries need more of and not less. Our youth ministries need more than dodge ball and loud Christian music in the speakers. If teens just wanted another pizza party or a place to just be distracted by the “fluff” they’d get it somewhere/anywhere else.

Your teens need to hear the truth of the Good News and not a watered down mantra of pluralistic humanism. Teens need to hear that the Great Commission was commanded to them too. Teens need to hear the tough sayings of Christ. Teens need to hear that the world is not all about them. Teens need/want to be challenged to better their community…and you, dear Youth Worker, are in the very position to communicate all these things.

So don’t water the message down.

And frankly, by the time most teens have reached high school in this country they are ready for something more than the “milk” we tend to feed them in our youth ministry sermons. If our teens can devote hours to school athletics, humanitarian clubs, and online forums to help-save-the-world-one-cause-at-a-time…why can’t we believe they’ll follow along if our message gets above a 3rd grade level?

Lastly, I ask you to consider the future of our teens when they graduate our youth ministries if we don’t begin to feed them more meat in the message now. You don’t have to hypothesize what society will be like generations from now – just imagine 2 years after graduation: your teens will be entering their 20′s and deep in the working world or the college path. They will have met people who don’t believe in their God and they’ll debate very logical reasons for their doubt. Your teens will meet kind and intelligent people who will see no need for God’s saving grace in their life…what will your teen’s response be? Will their hearts and minds be prepared to claim their faith as “the evidence of things unseen”?

Will you give your teens and your youth ministry a deep foundation to stand on? Message or Fluff? Meat or Milk?

Be sure to check out more resources and thoughts on youth ministry at my website www.shaversrazor.com

I remember a veteran youth pastor speaking to me years ago addressing some questions I gave him about my youth group and some of the obstacles with I was facing with a group of teens who were indifferent to their church and their faith. With wisdom, he calculated the problem in the youth group as the  a lack of “ownership” among the teens. They didn’t feel the youth group was their youth group.

Initially, I didn’t like his suggestion that the teens needed to feel a sense of ownership about their church and their youth group. Frankly, I was a little offended.

I guess I just didn’t like the word and what it implied in my mind. Ownership -as if these teens should own/control/claim what God was doing for them. But, I soon realized the true concept of ownership is not so much to be feared. Basically, it’s a sense of investment and responsibility toward whatever you are “owning”.

Little secret: this is where the term “Student  Ministry” began to be used more in place of “youth group” -ministry sounds more purposful than group and it implies that the students are the ministers  to their peers thus, student ministry.

Ownership gives a sense investment and responsibility. But, the flip side of the coin is that it  also gives a sense of entitlement.  Also, ownership is a very inactive word – it’s a state of being not a state of doing.

Ownership vs Stewardship

I’d like make the arguement for implementing stewardship rather than ownership as the behavioral model for your youth group student ministry.

Stewardship signifies that what is in your care is not yours but you are just as responsible for it.

Stewardship asks, “what are you doing with the gift given to you?” Take, for instance The Parable of the Talents found in the book of Matthew. The servants in that story were trusted with talents/money/resources that they did not own. But they were give authority and resposibility over how it was to be used.

The master set expectations for how the servants were to steward the talents given them.

The master empowered the servants with his authority to use and multiply his talents.

The master rewarded the faithful servants with more talents, more authority, and more responsibility than they had earned themselves.

Our youth ministries need stewards in the leadership and steward-leadership in the teens. Stewardship is Biblical. Stewardship doesn’t allow a sense of entitlement. Stewardship causes us to return to the Master to give an account. Stewardship calls us to cultivate, develop, and multiply the Kingdom rather than build borders around the plot of land that we think we own.

Discover the difference in your youth ministry when your teens are called to stewardship. Discover how their walls of isolation and indifference will fall when they are called to stewardship. And see if they don’t learnto  live their faith actively in their community and in their church.

Transparency is a word I’ve seen used often on church websites. Or, I’ve heard it from a lead pastor describing to the congregation a pivotal behavior emulated by the staff/leadership at their church. Sometimes the actual word may not be used but instead I hear synonymous words like authenticity, honesty, real…etc. Usually, it goes something like, “Here at _________ Church we just want to be honest and let you see that we are broken and messed up people too. We ALL are in need of a savior.”

I tell you this because I believe this emphasis on being real, being honest, being transparent in the church is not just a fad but it is the currency of leadership to the GenX and GenY (or Millenial) generations.

THE ABOVE IS JUST A OFA POST I WROTE FOR ANDY WHISENANT’S BLOG. FOR MORE, YOU’LL HAVE TO VISIT HIS SITE HERE.

Today, I thought I’d take the opportunity to share with you the names of a few people I keep up with via blogs and Twitter. These folks are influencers, pastors, leaders, and social media gurus. And, in their own way each of them is changing the world around them.

Please, dear reader, take the time to check ‘em all out. Read their blogs and check out their twitter feeds. You’ll like what you see!

Pete Wilson -Pete is the lead pastor at Crosspoint Community Church in Nashville. He’s led this church to open 4 campuses in just over 7 years. Crosspoint is a church that ministers to families while reaching out to the unchurched and the dis-churched. You’ll find that transparency is a defining characteristic of the leadership at Crosspoint (b.t.w. just check out all of the staff at Crosspoint. I follow them all and they’re pretty much all amazing).

You can find Pete’s blog here. Also, check out Crosspoint’s website here.

Sam Davidson -Sam is a blogger,  a non-profit guru, and has a really cool website called CoolPeopleCare.org From what I can tell, Sam’s passion is to connect the GenX and GenY generations to activism in an immediate way. One of the coolest features of his website is 5 Minutes of Caring …you should check it out.

You can also follow Sam on Twitter: @samdavidson

Adam Smith (@jackalopekid) Most people know Adam Smith as Jackalope Kid via his website or Twitter account (he has over 100,000 followers on Twitter…GEEEEZ!) Adam is a connector in the HUGEST sense of the word. He uses his blog as an outlet for causes world-wide and local. And, you’ll find a little humor sprinkled throughout his blog as well.

So, wether you want a Jackalope Kid t-shirt or want more information about how to save the world, go visit his blog.

Michael Kelley  -Michael is a blogger, speaker, and (on the weekdays) a content editor at Lifeway Christian Resources. His blog is actually the source I modeled the style of my own blog from. Michael is a great guy who writes about the Christian life, culture, and his kids on his blog. You should check him out for two reasons:

1) He’s such a great speaker that churches, college groups, and conference-type retreats are hiring him all the time. Srsly, his calendar speaks for itself.  

2) He just wrote another book called Holy Vocabulary that’s just released. Here’s a promo video.

So…those are just a few people that, if you don’t already know them, you should!

Any of you got somebody that I should know about? Leave me a comment and let me know.

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THE CURSE OF SELF-AWARENESS

By the time we are adults, most of us have grown into a sense of self-awareness which means we know how others perceive us in certain situations. It’s just what is sounds like –being aware of one’s self. It includes awareness of things like appearance, personality, humor, and work-ethic. Your sense of self-awareness is often cultivated through school age years, takes a murderous beating in your awkward teenage years, and comes into balance somewhere between early adulthood and….retirement.  :)

Most of us know how we are perceived by our close friends, co-workers, or even by strangers at a party.  And, the importance of self-awareness as a social skill can be seen in the example of those we know who are unfortunately not self-aware. Now, I think you know what I’m talking about. You can describe the friend, colleague, or maybe even the family member who tells inappropriate jokes at the party and is mystified when no one laughs.

Self awareness is also vital to acting, which is close to my heart. Having majored in Theatre Arts, I have a lot of experience acting or directing plays for universities and community theatres. I feel like theatre, as an art form, is on of the most natural arts pursued by mankind. Everyone tells stories and everyone acts everyday. Theatre is nothing more than that: acting for the sake of story-telling. And, the more self-aware an actor is the better they are at their craft. Therefore, one of the worst things to experience in theatre is meeting an actor who is completely NOT self-aware. That actor cannot take direction well. They can’t relate a scene in a script to any connection in their personal life because they are not self-aware.

Case in point:

Lately, I’ve been actively waiting. Yeah, I’ve been job hunting. And, when you are updating your resume and taking multiple phone interviews with potential employers and answering questionnaires regarding your experience…you become EVEN MORE self-aware. During this season of looking for work in church ministry and waiting on an answer, I’ve also improved and occupied myself with books, leadership books, books on knowing yourself, books on personality assessment, strengths self assessment, books on influencing people, serving people through your skills and talents…etc.

After a while, all of this self-awareness becomes ME-ness. It becomes narcissism.

During this period of uncertainty about where God is taking me and when that is going to happen, I don’t want to spin my wheels on me-ness. I’m fighting to not get lost in MY calling and MY ministry and MY job.

I have a wife and child who need me…and a holy GOD who wants to use me. But that is the curse of self-awareness. All of the important people (Elaina and Caius) and things (ministry calling) that touch my life are not and CAN NOT be about me.

Interestingly the actor whose picture I showed above, Keanu Reeves, was in the MATRIX Trilogy. The first movie of that trilogy contained a scene where Reeve’s character, Neo, discovers the entire theme of the movie printed on a wood plaque hanging over a kitchen doorway. It said “Know Thyself”. But, as a Christian, I remember that Christ said to deny thy self. I am to deny my self and …take up my cross daily.

I hope I learn more about what that means -taking up my cross–while I am in this waiting period.

Have you experienced the curse of self-awareness overload?

Two weeks ago, I turned over the keys to my office at the church. The new Middle School Youth Pastor at Smyrna Assembly stepped into the recently emptied office that was now his. We’ve known each other and worked together in youth ministry for years so it’s an understatment to say I was excited about his transition into leading the middle school ministry.

During the transitional period we sat down for numerous conversations on teens, parents, ministry, church policy…etc.

As I prepared to share with him key points for his transition into pastoral leadership, I realized these were also key points I would take with me to the next place of ministry wherever it may be. Maybe you can open a new door of leadership with these keys too.

Here are 5 keys

KEY #1. Youth ministry is about the parents as much as it is about the teens…maybe even more so. Never forget the family. Don’t try to minister to the teen alone because they don’t live with you. They have to return home to their family environment which projects more influence on them that their youth pastor. Minister to the parents and you gain allies while also tending to their spiritual needs. For more on this, see my earlier blog here.

KEY #2. Communicate not only vision but expectations to your team. Vision gives inspiration and direction to begin the race. Expectation tells us when to start running and how fast. Don’t forget to communicate either. You can read more about my shortcomings in this area here.

Key #3. Your greatest frustration/crisis/obstacle always has the potential to become your greatest achievement. Successful leaders can attest to this. In my own experience the change from one singular ministry for the youth at Smyrna Assembly to the split model of specialized ministries for the Middle School and High School seemed, at the time, an impossible transition. I had never led such a change in an organization and the deadline to implement seemed unattainable. But, I count it as one of my most successful seasons of ministry as well as when I felt most valued and utilized by my fellow pastors.

KEY #4. Never fail to give your team enough encouragement. In retrospect, I wonder if I gave enough encouragement to my team. An “atta boy” can go a long way to build up people. It can also give credibility to the times you need to correct/question/admonish a team member. And, those times will come. So be sure that  your hard words of correction aren’t the only words your team will hear from you.

KEY #5. Your personal faithfulness is …key. I’ve saved the best for last. Entire chapters of the Bible focus on faithfulness and so should we. Your personal character must develope into faithfulness that would make Our Father proud. No matter what slick team strategy you have rolling around in your head or what shiny toy you can pull out of your bag of tricks…the lack of faithfulness can kill it. But, the reward of faithfulness is that you will find that God is NOT on your side, but you ARE on His.

What are some keys you’ve acquired in leadership?

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This is something I’ve heard my father-in-law say. My wife has repeated it to me a several times too.

The principle goes like this: if you, the leader, do not communicate expectations and responsibilities in a consistent manner to your team, the worst outcome will follow. Test this and you’ll see that it is true. Most of us can look back on the arguments, outbursts, and heated debates in our lives and attribute the majority of them to simple miscommunication.

At some point in the process (business, personal, ministry, marriage…etc.) the person with the information did not properly distribute the information, to make it sound oh so technical. In reality if you didn’t tell the other person what they needed to know AND confirm that they UNDERSTOOD it…you failed.

I experienced that the hard way. At church where I acted as Student Minister, I failed to communicate expectations to my volunteer Bible study teachers. It caused some hurt feelings and one of them nearly quit out right. Fortunately, they cared enough about the teens, the Bible study ministry, and about the way I was treating them to confront me.

The told me they felt unimportant. I had begun taking over their teaching duties more and more because I felt it was easier to do it my self than train somebody else to do it. I had also assumed that they wanted a lighter load and less of a commitment to teaching each week. Also, I was not informing them of what new curriculum we would use in the coming months…I simply sprung the change on them the day of…which gave me more justification to take the teaching duties myself and not trouble them with having to learn the new material.

More and more they were simply sitting in class not teaching while I was taking control of everything.

My lack of communication left them to believe that they were simply being pushed out of the Bible study because, for reasons unknown to them, I didn’t respect them or believe that they were up to the job of teaching our teens.

They confronted me and …I’ll be honest…their words stung – a whole lot. But they had the right to feel that way and I had to take ownership of my problem and correct it.  

Leaders -communicate, set expectations and goals, be clear, be open, ask for feedback repeatedly, and take ownership of the situation.

Have you seen what happens in the absence of communication?