teacher’s blog

Most people react to this teacher’s comments with a conflicted sense that she spoke the truth about these teens but, because of her position, she shouldn’t have been so blunt. She’s a hero to some and a villan to others. Whatever your opinion of her blog may be, I believe the sensation behind this blog brings to light a certain reality I’ve been discussing with fellow youth pastors: The Sin of Institutionalism.

The Sin of Institutionalism

This is the name I’ve given a certain attitude I’ve observed from so many parents and adults in general. The Sin of Institutionalism looks for some faceless institution to hold accountable for things for which only an individual should be held responsible. Take for instance, the spiritual upbringing of children. The Sin of Institutionalism says, “that’s a job for the Church”. I say, “what about parents?” The Sin of Institutionalism asks, “aren’t the public schools supposed to teach things like good behavior and manners?” The Sin of Institutionalism says, “the job of government/church/charity is to provide for me.”

I believe this sin permeates many realms of American society well beyond the public education system. You better believe the Church is a victim of this too.  I can say from experience, Institutionalism can cause youth pastors to feel the pressure to take responsibility for elements of their teens’ behavior they have no ability to control.

Where are the families? Where are the parents?

Interestingly, the sensation caused by this high school teachers blog also draws attention to the blessing/curse of internet technology.  Social media like Facebook and blogs only blurs the lines between personal and professional when it comes to student/teacher interaction. I’m intrigued by the blurring of the lines as it forces a shift in regard to the …the things we don’t talk about. As in, why are teachers expected to be responsible for supplying to students the motivation to learn? And, why are youth ministers responsible for how a girl or boy dresses in your youth group? This Pennsylvania teacher’s blog said what she was really thinking. The question is not “did the behavior of her students warrant her comments?”

The question is, “are you depending on some institution to raise your children?”

Maybe you can understand the need to start from the beginning.

Many of you are following along with what is happening with Shaver’s Razor Ministries.  But some of you feel like you walked into a movie that started playing before you got in the room. Maybe you’ve discovered this blog because a friend told you to check it out. Or, maybe a fellow parent recommended you check this blog out for tips on how to understand teens. Or you might be a youth minister with a brand new position at a church and you’re looking for all the on-line help you can get.  Allow me to back up and give you the set-up for what Shaver’s Razor has been doing so far.

SHAVER’S RAZOR MINISTRIES …so far

Shaver’s Razor began simply as a blog …this blog. Over a year ago I began blogging about my ministry experiences and the lessons learned from them.

Since May of 2010 I began Shaver’s Razor Ministries as a motivational speaking and consulting resource for youth ministries. I started using the Shaver’s Razor website to promote my speaking ministry as well as promote several online youth ministry resources I believe in and use.

In the Fall, I met the guys at Youth Ministry 360 and was asked to become a regular contributor to the YM360 blog. YM360 is all about youth ministry. They combine Bible study resources, youth worker training, and a online network to serve the youth worker community in the Church. I’m excited to be part of the YM360 network!

In December, Mike Parker at WordCrafts finally convinced me to write a book since I was already blogging so much. I began writing at the start of the new year and I anticipate completing the book in June of this year. I’ve tentatively titled it Youth Ministry is Easy…and 10 Other Lies that will Ruin Your Ministry.

In the near future, a promotional video for Shaver’s Razor Ministries is in the works! You can learn more about the video and everything that’s now going on at Shaver’s Razor by checking out the video at this link http://www.ShaversRazor.com

I hope that gives you plenty of “set-up” for the story behind Shaver’s Razor Ministries so far. Though a lot of projects are being juggled at Shaver’s Razor, I’m always looking for speaking opportunities. So, check your church calendar and contact me!

Here is the story of Caius William Shaver…so far. His story is really the product of a lot of love and hard work from his parents (especially his mommy) to bring him into this world. Caius William Shaver was born June 7th 2010 at 2:07PM weighing 7lbs 7 ounces and measuring 20 inches.

But, I should begin by telling you that Elaina and I arrived at the hospital with a birth plan. Yes, a birth plan is a list drawn up by parents of what processes you favor so the nurses and doctors are all well-informed of your desires and what you are willing to consent to during this very tense, complex, and truly life-changing process called CHILD BIRTH.

We had a birth plan.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, the birth plan was effectively thrown out the window. As with many things in life, what you could never foresee happening somehow becomes reality.

Elaina’s water broke just after 4PM on Sunday evening thus beginning the next 22 hours of labor. That’s right…22! However, by 8PM, with no real contractions setting in, we became concerned and went to the emergency room. Our birth plan originally called for most of early labor to proceed at home and we intended to allow labor pains to move naturally into active labor without an epidural and to avoid at all costs a C-section. But complications arose once her water broke causing the hospital and doctors to place her on a 24 hour deadline to deliver or prepare for a C-section.

Elaina endured an intensified labor process for the first 14 hours at the hospital due to the medication that had to be given to induce contractions that had yet come on naturally. In the final hours of labor, Elaina opted for the epidural when she realized her weakened condition (lack of sleep and rolling contractions every 2 minuets for 14 hours) would jeopardize her ability to push during delivery.

Once the epidural took effect, it slowed her labor process and spread the contractions farther apart –exactly what we didn’t want it to do. Evidently, labor must always go forward and gradually become more intense until the baby is delivered. So you can’t go backward and have your labor slow down in process. Thus, the reason for the next step. After 22 hours of labor, our doctor strongly suggested a C-section operation.

This was a hard moment for me and Elaina both. I think we were both relieved to know this whole labor process would soon be over but it felt like we had to give up everything we wanted and planned for in this momentous event and turn it all over to the very thing we fought so hard to avoid.

I was suited in scrubs and led to the operating room where the doctors were preparing Elaina for surgery.

I saw it all.

The moment was very raw and visceral. I saw my wife on a table looking at me. I saw doctors working hard…hands moving quickly with no concern of being gentle or polite.

I saw a doctor reach in and bring my son into this world. It was shocking. This dynamic living thing shuddered and cried in front of me lying on my wife’s belly. But it wasn’t just a thing. This boy wore the evidence of me and my wife on his face.

He was so fragile and small. But he commanded my attention and love by simply opening his eyes.

Today, Elaina is recovering nicely and we both are happy and back at home with our new-born baby. Our plan was ruined at the word “go”, but in the end, with God in control, we got everything our hearts wanted!

I’ve posted some pictures for you to see the happy family.

In the past few months, my wife and I have noticed so many examples of the “Footinmouth” condition that strangely plagues so many well intentioned people when encountering a pregnant woman. Here are just a few examples of the …comments said to my wife and her recently pregnant friends:

You’re how far along?!?…..That baby looks like it’s coming TOMORROW!

You’re ONLY 4 months pregnant? Pretty sure that baby’s gonna arrive a few months early!

Honey, you know you have to gain more weight than that. Otherwise there’s a higher chance of birth defects.

You look huge!!!

You look tiny. In fact you’re hardly showing-Are you sure the baby’s okay?

Wow. You must have really gained alot of weight if you’re only that far along.

You sure look fat…but, its okay ’cause you’re pregnant!

Are you having twins?

Yep. All of these are true-life statements made to my wife and/or to her friends within the past 8 months. The twins comment actually came from our server last week as Elaina and I sat down to lunch at a restaurant. My wife and I are used to comments from strangers acknowledging the pregnancy. And, typically, we hear the list of question like, “When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Are you excited?” But when the first thing out of the server’s mouth is none of these conversation starters but simply, “Are you having twins?” one has to wonder what is meant or implied by that question.  Not only that, but what kind of response could be expected from such a question?

“Why, YES, how could you tell from simply looking at my belly?”

OR

“NO…why the *bleep* would you ask me that?”

And these are not just single childless twenty somethings or kids who don’t know any better who are making these comments. Veteran moms and educated mid-life professionals make up the majority of offenders!

Come on, people!

Unless you are a medical professional, the ONLY comments/advice/statements/opinions you should offer a pregnant women are words of encouragement and affirmation. Do not, I repeat, do not critique her weight gain or lack thereof. Do not comment on her appearance in any way except to say that she looks AMAZING! Do not offer her your opinion how big her belly has grown and its effect on how healthy the baby will be when it is born.

If you tell the pregnant woman that ,in your opinion, she is smaller or bigger than normal, all she hears is you telling her she is abnormal -which, implies that somehow her baby is going to be born abnormally and it will be all her fault.  When someone states very plainly that the pregnant woman is too small or too big or too…anything, it suggests that the woman has somehow made wrong choices along the way and that she is not and will not be a good mother because of it.

Most of us would never go up to a non-pregnant stranger and tell her that she looks “huge” or “small” or “unhealthy”.  So why does pregnancy suddenly loosen the tongue???

Essentially, this is all about regarding a woman’s self-image with sensitivity AND treating the topic of human life growing inside her with respect. Folks, your attempts to comment on a the physical appearance of another woman’s changing body or the well-being of her growing child possess a high potential for collateral damage.

For some women, pregnancy is a time where they feel amazing and beautiful and strong, but for others dealing with the physical and emotional changes that are beyond her control can be hard to deal with even without others “comments”.

And seriously, if a woman is, in fact, having twins…she’ll most likely tell you. So don’t ask!

WHEW! That’s enough soapbox for one day.

Take these honest words and pass them on.

Think about it; if you could, by whatever means necessary alter, correct, stop…etc some event in the past from happening, what would that event be?

And, what would you cause to happen in its place?

Think what you might alter about the American Revolution/the Civil War/the French Revolution/Moses and the 10 Plagues on Egypt/World War 1&2 ….Alexander the Great’s Conquest/The Battle of 300 Spartans at Thermopylae…???

What would you alter about our history?

Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling of the United States Army was interviewed recently on the topic of major changes to the training regimen for recruits. The statements made by Hertling intrigue me as I am only a few years older than the generation of recruits the article is discussing.

I’ve quoted some of the statements below but you can find the full article at games.yahoo.com/pluggedin

This Lt. General is, I’m sure, very knowledgable about the capabilities of new recruits entering the military and assesing the means by which to best train each new class. So, when he and other officials decide to alter the training regimne for new recruits  – I took notice. The military wants to meet these new recruits where they are. This is not the generation that was raised by TV but by the internet, iTunes, and Xbox Live. And, unfortunately, this is probably a generation that more often discovered The Beatles not by listening to the Fab Four’s music but by playing the recent RockBand video game release.  *sigh*

To sum up what I feel is Hertling’s basic assessment of the current ”Gamer Generation” let me say he views the current generation of recruits as more intelligent but less tough…and less disciplined.  

As a product of Gen X and Gen Y, I apply the Lt. General’s assessment to myself and my friends…and my peers …and coworkers…etc. I think the significance of Hertlin’s words set in for me when I realized he wasn’t talking about some group of kids I am never going to meet -he’s talking about the generation that is currently entering the workforce and will soon be the parents of the next generation. These recruits represent a small portion of MY GENERATION that won’t someday be in the driver’s seat of society but, rather, are now at the wheel.

What do you think of the Lt. General’s statements?

Is this lack of discipline an identifiable mark on my generation in the workplace/classroom/boardroom…etc? 

And, do we see these characteristics reflected in the church?

Announcing the WINNERS of the FREE CD contest:

Rodney Boyd, Wayne Berry, and Scott Asher  all won copies of Jonny Diaz’s latest CD Stand For You from INO Records! Congrats guys!

INO Records artist, Jonny Diaz, recently released his newest CD called Stand For You.

Now for my contest: I’ve got 5 copies of the Stand For You CD to give away, courtesy of INO Records. You simply need to comment on this blog and tell me why you should receive a Jonny Diaz CD.

I’ve got 5 CDs and one can be yours.

From the parents who provided drinks and plates to the teens who served spaghetti and salad, job well done! And, thank you very much to the SA family at large. You guys showed up in big numbers to support your middle school ministry (and maybe eat some spaghetti with home-made sauce. yum.) and really showed us a lot of love.
With your generosity and support we raised over $800 and with that money we are now able to heavily discount our trip to New Frontiers Retreat Center. If you eat spaghetti with us or simply made a generous donation, you have blessed a family and provided for a teen to experience God in a special way.
6 adults and 15 teens leave for New Frontiers on Friday, November the 6th! Be sure to check back for updates on how God is effecting the lives and families of our middle schoolers.