Posted by: Aaron Shaver | July 8, 2010

The Curse of Self-Awareness

First of all, I need to apologize to you, Dear Readers. You’ve probably noticed that I’ve not updated this blog with any new posts for several days. Most of you will know that having a new baby will overturn your usual daily schedule. With the recent addition of Caius to our house, my wife and I can attest that this is true. So, I ask for your patience. I hope you return to Shaver’s Razor often for my thoughts on leadership, the Christian life, and parenthood.

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THE CURSE OF SELF-AWARENESS

By the time we are adults, most of us have grown into a sense of self-awareness which means we know how others perceive us in certain situations. It’s just what is sounds like –being aware of one’s self. It includes awareness of things like appearance, personality, humor, and work-ethic. Your sense of self-awareness is often cultivated through school age years, takes a murderous beating in your awkward teenage years, and comes into balance somewhere between early adulthood and….retirement.  :)

Most of us know how we are perceived by our close friends, co-workers, or even by strangers at a party.  And, the importance of self-awareness as a social skill can be seen in the example of those we know who are unfortunately not self-aware. Now, I think you know what I’m talking about. You can describe the friend, colleague, or maybe even the family member who tells inappropriate jokes at the party and is mystified when no one laughs.

Self awareness is also vital to acting, which is close to my heart. Having majored in Theatre Arts, I have a lot of experience acting or directing plays for universities and community theatres. I feel like theatre, as an art form, is on of the most natural arts pursued by mankind. Everyone tells stories and everyone acts everyday. Theatre is nothing more than that: acting for the sake of story-telling. And, the more self-aware an actor is the better they are at their craft. Therefore, one of the worst things to experience in theatre is meeting an actor who is completely NOT self-aware. That actor cannot take direction well. They can’t relate a scene in a script to any connection in their personal life because they are not self-aware.

Case in point:

Lately, I’ve been actively waiting. Yeah, I’ve been job hunting. And, when you are updating your resume and taking multiple phone interviews with potential employers and answering questionnaires regarding your experience…you become EVEN MORE self-aware. During this season of looking for work in church ministry and waiting on an answer, I’ve also improved and occupied myself with books, leadership books, books on knowing yourself, books on personality assessment, strengths self assessment, books on influencing people, serving people through your skills and talents…etc.

After a while, all of this self-awareness becomes ME-ness. It becomes narcissism.

During this period of uncertainty about where God is taking me and when that is going to happen, I don’t want to spin my wheels on me-ness. I’m fighting to not get lost in MY calling and MY ministry and MY job.

I have a wife and child who need me…and a holy GOD who wants to use me. But that is the curse of self-awareness. All of the important people (Elaina and Caius) and things (ministry calling) that touch my life are not and CAN NOT be about me.

Interestingly the actor whose picture I showed above, Keanu Reeves, was in the MATRIX Trilogy. The first movie of that trilogy contained a scene where Reeve’s character, Neo, discovers the entire theme of the movie printed on a wood plaque hanging over a kitchen doorway. It said “Know Thyself”. But, as a Christian, I remember that Christ said to deny thy self. I am to deny my self and …take up my cross daily.

I hope I learn more about what that means -taking up my cross–while I am in this waiting period.

Have you experienced the curse of self-awareness overload?

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | June 22, 2010

There is no B-Team

Today’s post is from my friend Bryan Entzminger (@bdentzy) who graciously agreed to add some zest to my blog with his own “thoughts for the journey”.  Bryan and I first met each other during my high school years when I worked at Chick-fil-A and he was my supervisor. Since those days we have both moved on from that blessed fast-food institution and now we are more often confused for each other in a crowd! It’s ridiculous!
Bryan and his wife, Kathryn, happily live in Smyrna, TN and are expecting their first child!
You can check out more of Bryan’s writing and wisdom at www.bdentzy.com

Read More…

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Posted in Christian living, Theology

Posted by: Aaron Shaver | June 18, 2010

Question: Which member of the A-Team are you?

Last week 20th Century Fox released THE A-TEAM into cinemas. My childhood was groomed on a steady diet of the 80′s TV show so you can bet I’ll see the movie first chance I get.


My question for you, dear readers, is which member of the A-TEAM are you? This is childhood role-playing game every kid is familiar with. Decide which superhero you are? Which ninja turtle best fits your personality. Are you the pink Power Ranger or the green Power Ranger?

So which A-Team member best fits your style.

Are you like Hannibal, the man with the plan?

Are you full of attitude like B.A.?

Is you m.o. full of charm and class like “Faceman” ?

Or are you just nuts like our friend Murdock?

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | June 13, 2010

Caius William Shaver

Welcome, Caius William Shaver!

Here is the story of Caius William Shaver…so far. His story is really the product of a lot of love and hard work from his parents (especially his mommy) to bring him into this world. Caius William Shaver was born June 7th 2010 at 2:07PM weighing 7lbs 7 ounces and measuring 20 inches.

But, I should begin by telling you that Elaina and I arrived at the hospital with a birth plan. Yes, a birth plan is a list drawn up by parents of what processes you favor so the nurses and doctors are all well-informed of your desires and what you are willing to consent to during this very tense, complex, and truly life-changing process called CHILD BIRTH.

We had a birth plan.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, the birth plan was effectively thrown out the window. As with many things in life, what you could never foresee happening somehow becomes reality.

Elaina’s water broke just after 4PM on Sunday evening thus beginning the next 22 hours of labor. That’s right…22! However, by 8PM, with no real contractions setting in, we became concerned and went to the emergency room. Our birth plan originally called for most of early labor to proceed at home and we intended to allow labor pains to move naturally into active labor without an epidural and to avoid at all costs a C-section. But complications arose once her water broke causing the hospital and doctors to place her on a 24 hour deadline to deliver or prepare for a C-section.

Elaina endured an intensified labor process for the first 14 hours at the hospital due to the medication that had to be given to induce contractions that had yet come on naturally. In the final hours of labor, Elaina opted for the epidural when she realized her weakened condition (lack of sleep and rolling contractions every 2 minuets for 14 hours) would jeopardize her ability to push during delivery.

Once the epidural took effect, it slowed her labor process and spread the contractions farther apart –exactly what we didn’t want it to do. Evidently, labor must always go forward and gradually become more intense until the baby is delivered. So you can’t go backward and have your labor slow down in process. Thus, the reason for the next step. After 22 hours of labor, our doctor strongly suggested a C-section operation.

This was a hard moment for me and Elaina both. I think we were both relieved to know this whole labor process would soon be over but it felt like we had to give up everything we wanted and planned for in this momentous event and turn it all over to the very thing we fought so hard to avoid.

I was suited in scrubs and led to the operating room where the doctors were preparing Elaina for surgery.

I saw it all.

The moment was very raw and visceral. I saw my wife on a table looking at me. I saw doctors working hard…hands moving quickly with no concern of being gentle or polite.

I saw a doctor reach in and bring my son into this world. It was shocking. This dynamic living thing shuddered and cried in front of me lying on my wife’s belly. But it wasn’t just a thing. This boy wore the evidence of me and my wife on his face.

He was so fragile and small. But he commanded my attention and love by simply opening his eyes.

Today, Elaina is recovering nicely and we both are happy and back at home with our new-born baby. Our plan was ruined at the word “go”, but in the end, with God in control, we got everything our hearts wanted!

I’ve posted some pictures for you to see the happy family.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | May 25, 2010

Handing Over the Keys

5 Keys

Two weeks ago, I turned over the keys to my office at the church. The new Middle School Youth Pastor at Smyrna Assembly stepped into the recently emptied office that was now his. We’ve known each other and worked together in youth ministry for years so it’s an understatment to say I was excited about his transition into leading the middle school ministry.

During the transitional period we sat down for numerous conversations on teens, parents, ministry, church policy…etc.

As I prepared to share with him key points for his transition into pastoral leadership, I realized these were also key points I would take with me to the next place of ministry wherever it may be. Maybe you can open a new door of leadership with these keys too.

Here are 5 keys

KEY #1. Youth ministry is about the parents as much as it is about the teens…maybe even more so. Never forget the family. Don’t try to minister to the teen alone because they don’t live with you. They have to return home to their family environment which projects more influence on them that their youth pastor. Minister to the parents and you gain allies while also tending to their spiritual needs. For more on this, see my earlier blog here.

KEY #2. Communicate not only vision but expectations to your team. Vision gives inspiration and direction to begin the race. Expectation tells us when to start running and how fast. Don’t forget to communicate either. You can read more about my shortcomings in this area here.

Key #3. Your greatest frustration/crisis/obstacle always has the potential to become your greatest achievement. Successful leaders can attest to this. In my own experience the change from one singular ministry for the youth at Smyrna Assembly to the split model of specialized ministries for the Middle School and High School seemed, at the time, an impossible transition. I had never led such a change in an organization and the deadline to implement seemed unattainable. But, I count it as one of my most successful seasons of ministry as well as when I felt most valued and utilized by my fellow pastors.

KEY #4. Never fail to give your team enough encouragement. In retrospect, I wonder if I gave enough encouragement to my team. An “atta boy” can go a long way to build up people. It can also give credibility to the times you need to correct/question/admonish a team member. And, those times will come. So be sure that  your hard words of correction aren’t the only words your team will hear from you.

KEY #5. Your personal faithfulness is …key. I’ve saved the best for last. Entire chapters of the Bible focus on faithfulness and so should we. Your personal character must develope into faithfulness that would make Our Father proud. No matter what slick team strategy you have rolling around in your head or what shiny toy you can pull out of your bag of tricks…the lack of faithfulness can kill it. But, the reward of faithfulness is that you will find that God is NOT on your side, but you ARE on His.

What are some keys you’ve acquired in leadership?

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Posted in Christian living, Leadership, teens | Tags: , ,

Posted by: Aaron Shaver | May 21, 2010

Question: If you could trade lives with anyone…

If you could trade lives with any person for just 1 day, WHO would it be and WHY???

Let’s say you could occupy their body for a full day and everyone they interacted with on a daily basis thought you actually were the other person and treated you as such…what would you do? Hmmmmm…(sinister eyebrow raised) Who would you be for a day?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Popular options might be:

Steve Jobs

President Obama

The CEO of your company

Bill O’Reilly

Anderson Cooper

Miley Cyrus (nah…maybe not)

 

If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would you be and why?

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | May 17, 2010

Interview with Kevin O’Dea of Degree 180

Today’s post is an interview with a very respected friend I’ve known for a number of years. He’s also man I’ve served along side of at Smyrna Assembly. His name is Kevin O’Dea and he is the Young Adult Pastor for Degree 180 Ministry. I’ve admired Kevin’s leadership and administrative skills for years and today I’m sharing with you our interview where I ask Kevin to discuss his style of leadership, personal influences, and share some words of advice. Enjoy!
   
Kevin, when you were growing up, is this what you thought you would be doing vocationally?  If not, what did you want to do?
I have always had a passion for teaching.  I have always had a passion for people.  Having the opportunity to speak into the lives of people and teach God’s Word is awesome.

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What’s the most difficult job you’ve had from what you are doing now and how did that job help you with what you are doing now?
I suppose you are referring to ministry specifically- The most difficult job I have had or I guess the most convicting job is preparing messages.
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Why is that?
I have a conviction for what is relayed out of my mouth to people.  It has to be sound, andit must line up with the Truth.
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Is there a personal influence who most helped to shape your leadership and how did that person help you/change you/mentor you?
Margaret Meek [Children's Pastor at Smyrna Assembly] has been instrumental in my Spiritual and leadership growth.  She has shown me specifically how to be passionate about teaching while dealing and being patient with people.  She has shown me and fleshed out grace and love in amazing ways.  I have mimicked her model in my job at SA.
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Kevin, give me three words other people would use to describe your leadership style? Organized, driven, …ghetto.
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What is the hardest thing your position requires you to do?
Say the things that no one else wants to say… The things that might make people not “like” me.
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If you could share one word of advice or wisdom to young leaders from what you’ve learned by experience, what would it be?
Stay absolutley centered on Christ.  Unless He has called you, don’t do it.  But, if He has- give it all you’ve got.
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Kevin, I know there is a very special conference that Smyrna Assembly will be hosting on June 23-26. What is the name of the conference and who are the key speakers?
It’s called the Springhouse Conference and it’ll begin the evening of June 23rd and run through the 26th. Our key speakers for this conference are Pastor Maury Davis of Cornerstone Church in Madison as well as James Ryle who is no stranger to the Smyrna Assembly family!
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Where did the inspiration for this conference come from? Unity is one of the missing links in the “church” (not specifically SA) today.  We function in a wide variety of ways individually as people and departments, but rarely do we function as one unit to do one thing.  This is an opportunity to grow in unity.  In addition, it is not second nature to want to serve.  This is an outlet to serve the community.
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How do you dream that the Springhouse Conference would impact the community of Smyrna/Nashville/Middle Tennessee? I believe that it could outgrow SA and move to Nashville!  If the heart and people are behind it, God could use it as a major connect point for the churches of this area each year.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | May 15, 2010

Adventures in Lactation Class

Adventures in Lactation Class

Many of you readers know that my wife and I are expecting a baby boy to arrive in about 4 weeks…or, as a friend of mine recently said to me, “You’re EMINENTLY pregnant!”

This is our first child so I’m new to the parenthood experience. But I am fully on board with the Baby Train Express! In the past few months I have vigorously test-driven strollers at Babies-R-Us, attended doctors appointments with the mother-to-be, and read at least 3 different volumes on the subjects of labor & delivery, baby nutrition and digestion, discipline, new-born sleep schedules, new parent sleep schedules (that was a short read…hmm), …etc.

In short, I’m ALL IN!

However, this past week, Elaina and I did attend a class provided by our hospital on the subject of Lactation and Breastfeeding. Now, I ain’t scared. As a man, I didn’t have any problems being willing to attend this class with my wife. Once again, I’m ALL IN! But, during this class I discovered that I may have willingly wandered into territory that I was not prepared for.

Yes, I know that lactation and breastfeeding is all about mothers, babies, and…breasts. No shock there. I am an adult. Or, at least, I thought I was.

The class was in a comfortable  room with a bowl full of cereal bars and chips for snacks and about 6 or 7 other couples attending. As my wife and I found our seats and began to get comfortable, it happened.

Friends, before the sweet little 40 something lactation consultant could even begin her lecture, I snickered at lactation terms defined on the white board, gawked at visual aids, and wrote my own commentary out beside the pictures on the step-by-step pamphlet given to us at the door.

I couldn’t help it. Now, don’t get me wrong. I listened and took notes. I’m a concerned husband who has a desire to be well informed with all processes and techniques involving our baby’s nutrition and growth. But I had to literally bit my tongue when the lactation consultant held up the stuffed-plush boob in her hands as a visual aid and kept pinching the nipple REPEATEDLY to describe how the baby should NOT latch on to the mother’s breast. How can I not laugh at that?!?!

I won’t even discuss the video we watched.

Then there was the moment where the consultant was addressing a delicate matter involving first time mothers who may worry that their body is just not shaped right for their baby to latch on and feed properly. A delicate matter and a very serious concern for many women. So, she tells the classroom not to worry. She tells us that there is not a “perfect” shape and, “generally, when your baby is born, they’ve not ever seen another nipple…yours is the first.” To which I blurt out, “Generally?” in front of the whole class. This sends everybody into doubled-over laughter while the consultant tries to recover her natural skin-tone which has just grown 3 shades more red.

Elaina and I made it through the class. She is still married to me. And, we learned some helpful information.

But, I would recommend for any upcoming fathers-to-be: if you’re going to attend the lactation class …leave your 10-year-old-boy sense of humor at the door. It may get you into trouble.

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | April 30, 2010

QUESTION: If you could take up ANY random hobby…

If money and time were no limitations, what random hobby would you take up and why?!?

Think about it: if you could learn ANY new skill, compete in ANY sport you had never participated in before, learn ANY new language…etc, and you had the time and money to do it; what would you do.

There are two things I’d really love to do.

The first would be to learn a new language. I’m not sure which language exactly. Maybe Welsh since it’s where my people supposedly come from. Or I might like to learn Hebrew…old Hebrew …and I could read the Old Testament to my son at night in the original language! (No need for “Bible nerd” jokes, thank you).

The second thing I would really love to do would be to learn to sword fight. Come on! It has no practical use in the modern world today (when I’m I going to go grocery shopping with a sword strapped to my side?) but you have to admit it’s an empowering skill to learn. I mean list  ”sword fighting” as a job skill on your resume and see if potential employers don’t give you a second interview just to ask if you’re serious.  And the cardio-muscular workout gained from hours of sword-training my be an added bonus too. u

These are my random hobbies I’d take up…if I could.

What about you?

If you could take up ANY random hobby, what would it be?

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Posted by: Aaron Shaver | April 28, 2010

NEVER Say These Things to a Pregnant Woman

I’m typing this post in the hopes of educating folks who may someday approach a pregnant woman (close friend or total stranger) with the urge to comment/gush/ask questions regarding the said pregnancy. I write this post from a man’s perspective. But, don’t be fooled. The message here is intended for men and women alike…so hang on.

In the past few months, my wife and I have noticed so many examples of the “Footinmouth” condition that strangely plagues so many well intentioned people when encountering a pregnant woman. Here are just a few examples of the …comments said to my wife and her recently pregnant friends:

You’re how far along?!?…..That baby looks like it’s coming TOMORROW!

You’re ONLY 4 months pregnant? Pretty sure that baby’s gonna arrive a few months early!

Honey, you know you have to gain more weight than that. Otherwise there’s a higher chance of birth defects.

You look huge!!!

You look tiny. In fact you’re hardly showing-Are you sure the baby’s okay?

Wow. You must have really gained alot of weight if you’re only that far along.

You sure look fat…but, its okay ’cause you’re pregnant!

Are you having twins?

Yep. All of these are true-life statements made to my wife and/or to her friends within the past 8 months. The twins comment actually came from our server last week as Elaina and I sat down to lunch at a restaurant. My wife and I are used to comments from strangers acknowledging the pregnancy. And, typically, we hear the list of question like, “When are you due? Is it a boy or a girl? Are you excited?” But when the first thing out of the server’s mouth is none of these conversation starters but simply, “Are you having twins?” one has to wonder what is meant or implied by that question.  Not only that, but what kind of response could be expected from such a question?

“Why, YES, how could you tell from simply looking at my belly?”

OR

“NO…why the *bleep* would you ask me that?”

And these are not just single childless twenty somethings or kids who don’t know any better who are making these comments. Veteran moms and educated mid-life professionals make up the majority of offenders!

Come on, people!

Unless you are a medical professional, the ONLY comments/advice/statements/opinions you should offer a pregnant women are words of encouragement and affirmation. Do not, I repeat, do not critique her weight gain or lack thereof. Do not comment on her appearance in any way except to say that she looks AMAZING! Do not offer her your opinion how big her belly has grown and its effect on how healthy the baby will be when it is born.

If you tell the pregnant woman that ,in your opinion, she is smaller or bigger than normal, all she hears is you telling her she is abnormal -which, implies that somehow her baby is going to be born abnormally and it will be all her fault.  When someone states very plainly that the pregnant woman is too small or too big or too…anything, it suggests that the woman has somehow made wrong choices along the way and that she is not and will not be a good mother because of it.

Most of us would never go up to a non-pregnant stranger and tell her that she looks “huge” or “small” or “unhealthy”.  So why does pregnancy suddenly loosen the tongue???

Essentially, this is all about regarding a woman’s self-image with sensitivity AND treating the topic of human life growing inside her with respect. Folks, your attempts to comment on a the physical appearance of another woman’s changing body or the well-being of her growing child possess a high potential for collateral damage.

For some women, pregnancy is a time where they feel amazing and beautiful and strong, but for others dealing with the physical and emotional changes that are beyond her control can be hard to deal with even without others “comments”.


And seriously, if a woman is, in fact, having twins…she’ll most likely tell you. So don’t ask!

WHEW! That’s enough soapbox for one day.

Take these honest words and pass them on.


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